Happy 22nd birthday!

 Happy 22nd birthday! Where has the time gone?

Last night Aunt Sam checked in to see what I had planned for today. I told her I was still waiting for inspiration, and I went to bed thinking about what I could do to celebrate today.

“Get a pedicure” popped into my head. I quickly dismissed it because I had one a few weeks ago with your sister and didn’t really need one. I drifted off to sleep thinking about you and woke up this morning still without a good notion of how to spend the day.

This morning, Aunt Sam texted, “Anything come to you?"  Then she went on to say, “The only thing that popped in my head was a pedicure…”Don’t know why—I’ve never had one and don’t like the idea of someone messing with my feet. And I swear I sensed her saying that’s why…because she’d smile at me (and you?) squirming! 🤷🏻‍♀️”

Ding, ding, ding… I think we have our answer! 😂

Which was confirmed by the butterfly waiting right outside the deck door for me. It stayed long enough for me to grab my phone and take a picture before flying off.

So, in honor of your 22nd birthday—and with Childhood Cancer Month starting tomorrow—your aunt and I went and got our toenails painted gold. 💛

We came home and had dinner with your dad, played a card game, and had ice cream. And, of course, took a pictures of our gold toenails and the beautiful rainbow you sent us. 🌈

Once we started looking at the pictures of our toes, your aunt and I were crying with laughter. I’m pretty sure you would have been laughing right along with us because…welllll, IYKYK—the long-standing family joke about my toes. 😂

Thank you for continuing to show up in our lives in all the little ways. For the signs, the reminders, the unexpected moments, and for making us smile—even when our hearts hurt.

Love You Lisa, Miss You Lisa. ❤️

May 19, 2026 -- 13 years 😔

On this day, thirteen years ago you left us. Far too young and far too early, yet still leaving an impression on so many and teaching us important lessons.  One was the importance of living life fully and in the moment; another was to enjoy the journey. Each year on this day, I try to honor you by pausing from the busyness of life-- the planning, the doing-- and simply "be" while trying to tune into you.  

Earlier this month, the melancholy set in, and I realized, "Oh, it's that time again."  I felt the heavy sadness but no inspiration as to how I might honor you.  

Aunt Sam asked me a few weeks ago what I was planning for today. My answer..."Not sure, waiting for Lisa to send me inspiration."  

She asked again on Sunday. 

I responded "Still not sure".  

I have to admit I was getting a little panicked and fearful that maybe I'd come up with nothing.  Maybe you'd been gone too long and today would just be a day of coping-- no "signs" from you, no moments of connection.  

I started sifting thru Facebook looking for a nature walk that was happening on Tuesday, 5/19 because maybe that was "the thing". Even though I'm certain I saved it, I found no trace of it.  Then I noticed a post from our Library about a craft day, on 5/19 to make a Terracotta Ladybug, and I knew this was you.  

I immediately tried to register online late Sunday evening but was waitlisted. I reached out to the librarians to see if they could make room for one more person.  Their final response Monday evening was "Sorry, no, we have 6 others on waitlist and no cancellations". 

Hmmm....now that I had the spark of inspiration--and was pretty sure you inspired it--I was going to chase this down and make it happen.  

An internet search and some time on AI Monday evening presented me with all kinds of creative ideas that I could do myself.  And by that, I mean with a little help from some friends.  

At 8:30 PM Monday, I texted your favorite ladies Ms. Bonnie and Ms. Lisa "What are u ladies doing tomorrow?"  

Both responded they were available. 

To which I immediately replied "Well .... tomorrow is D-day. I didn't have a real strong feeling about what little Missy would've wanted me to do until I noticed that I missed signing up for my Library's craft day tomorrow. Now, I can't stop thinking about it and realize that I found my answer. But I totally need your guys help because my craftiness left me about the same time my kid did. The library craft is a Terracotta Ladybug".  

Multiple text went back and forth late last night and this morning as we figured out what supplies we had, what we needed and what time we were gathering. 

Any doubt I had that this was you disappeared when I gathered up the terracotta pots from the shed and the first one I grabbed was one you had decorated years ago! 

A quick text to Aunt Sam to see if she wanted to join us and by 1:00 this afternoon we were crafting away.  

We spent a beautiful afternoon painting, sharing stories and watching the hummingbirds and orioles dart around the feeders. 

The pots are really cute (some better than others (Bonnie!!)😊). I smile when I look at them, knowing you're still here with us reminding us to life life fully and enjoy the journey.

Love You Lisa, Miss You Lisa

Happy 21st Birthday!

Today, 8/31/25,  would have been Lisa's 21st birthday.  It is also the day that we will gather with friends and family for our end-of-summer Labor Day party.  To celebrate Lisa, her godfather, Mr. Matt  will be making Baby Doll shots so we can all raise a toast in her honor.

Like always, I’ve been thinking about Lisa-- wondering who she'd be today, and looking for signs that she's still with us. In the past two weeks, I've taken a few pictures that show the ways she’s made her presence known.

Two weeks ago, I went to a doctor’s appointment and noticed they had finally added a TV in the waiting room. I caught my breath when I saw that Beauty and the Beast was playing---one of Lisa's favorites. I smiled as the memories came flooding back. I snuck a couple of photos of the screen, just trying to capture the moment.  I knew this was Lisa "sending me a sign".  Even more remarkable was the closed captioning I had captured in the pictures.

Last week, I went to my chiropractor’s office, and saw a new sign hanging above the door.  It was hung by one of the workers whose birthday just happens to be August 31.

And then—the icing on the cake, literally. While shopping at Costco for the party, I was talking to Mike about what dessert Lisa would've wanted. I mentioned that Chrissy suggested a Sanders Bumpy Cake, and I asked him what he thought.  Before he could answer, I turned the corner and there it was: Sanders Bumpy Cake.  I think we got Lisa's answer.

Thank You Lisa for finding ways to show us that you are always with us.

Love you Lisa.  Miss you Lisa.💗💗💗

May 19, 2025

It’s been twelve years since you left us, but you are often in my thoughts and always in my heart.

As always, this is a day filled with memories of you. Each year, I try to find something that honors you and the lessons you left behind. 

This year, I’m in Italy, at a yoga retreat with your Aunt Sam. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I’ve never been entirely comfortable with travel. The fact that it fell on your memorial day was the sign I needed—I knew I had to go.

You LOVED to go places and in your short time with us, you taught us so much! Things like sometimes the car ride is the best part of a journey, have fun no matter what you’re  doing, find joy in the little things—like Doritos and bumpy cake—and naps are amazingl

Interestingly, this retreat focuses on these same ideas and has been a powerful reminder to step outside my comfort zone, live in the moment, practice gratitude, and find balance in doing everything or doing nothing. 

Your lessons echo here and encourage me to remember that:

• going outside your comfort zone is about the journey, not the outcome. 
• practicing gratitude helps to make the best of every moment.
• choose what you say yes to and what you say no to… you don’t have to do everything and doing nothing is doing something. 

One of the first exercises we did at the yoga retreat was to find a word that would be your “waypoint”. The word I chose was balance, and I struggled through quite a few sessions wondering if I had chosen the right word.  In last year’s post, I wrote Lisa was spectacular at balancing her love for "doing" with "being" and I realize I have had the right word all along.

Once again, I realize you were wise beyond your years. I'm still learning and will seek to embrace balance and gratitude every day.

Love You Lisa. Miss You Lisa.

Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not

Happy Birthday Lisa!  Today, August 31, 2024, we had our annual Labor Day party and celebrated your 20th birthday. Family and friends gathered to float in the lake, eat lots of food, watch Michigan football and just enjoy life and each other.  

All week the song Memory by Maroon 5 has been drifting in and out of my head. We played that song when we brought out the cake.  I couldn't think of a better way to sum up today:

"Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you"

Tears were shed as we listened to the song, Butttt, the tears brought back memories and the memories brought back you. You were with us in our minds and in spirit as we remembered you and your impact on our lives and hearts.  

I was touched and delighted that your childhood friend Jalissa came to the party.  She knew few people, but came and stood by my side for a few hours to be here and be my buddy because you can't be.  You live on in Jalissa and all our friends and family and I'm so thankful for that.  I miss you so much, and appreciate all these people that helped you fight cancer and now help to keep you alive in our hearts.

We miss and love you Lisa! 

Ladies with tattos in Lisa's honor:)

11 Years Ago 😥

Eleven years ago on 5/19/13 Lisa left us. As I do every year, I spent this day honoring her and her too-short life. Today was spent just being—sitting on the deck looking at the lake, going on a bike ride, having dinner with family, and enjoying a boat ride with ice cream for dessert.

As the day unwound, I found myself conflicted as I thought about how every day is a gift, and we should not take it for granted; how we should embrace life and live each day fully.

I realized that I often feel that living life fully means I need to be doing something that adds value to the world.  I  measure a day’s worth by how much I accomplish that day. On days when I do "nothing," I'm consumed with guilt, feeling like I've wasted a precious day that Lisa never got. I struggle to recognize that there is value in simply being present and enjoying the moment. It's okay to do "nothing" because rest and reflection are as important as action.

Lisa was spectacular at balancing her love for "doing" with "being." She seemed to understand that both are meaningful and that living fully isn't about what you do but about being in the moment and knowing that’s exactly where you should be.

This child was wise beyond her years. I'm still learning from her as I try to find balance between action and stillness.  I need to value each day based on my presence in it, not by what I  accomplish.

Love You Lisa. Miss You Lisa.

19 Years Old!!

Today Lisa would have been 19 years old. So many thoughts in my head.  I think of the day we received the call that she was born.  The ensuing calls regarding placement in our home with her siblings, Tommy and Chrissy. I grin thinking about how the laughs and energy of a 5,6, and 7 year old along with a chunky baby made our house alive  (Umm, and yes, Lisa was chunky!  So much that we put her in a stockpot once and snapped a picture of our very own butterball turkey).  I think of how blessed we were to enjoy these children and watch them grow and, after three years, become a forever family.

I think about our first "McMaster Kids" family trip to Disney to celebrate the adoption and not allowing myself to worry about some preliminary tests done on Lisa for what I thought was going to be childhood arthritis or a problem with her leg muscle. I remember being back at work and getting the call from Ortho doc that she needed to be admitted to the ER immediately because docs were certain she had cancer; either leukemia or neuroblastoma.  I remember frantically trying to get in contact with Mike who was with Lisa at the lakehouse as I quickly googled both words because neither sounded good.  I prayed it was leukemia because that was more curable.

As I write this, I make a conscious effort to block the thoughts about the tests, trials, and treatments as they sadden me.  I force myself to remember the good and the happy.  Like, how ecstatic I was that Lisa was able to start kindergarten with all the other kids.  And then she was able to start a second year of kindergarten, then first grade, and part of second grade.  Not nearly enough for all who knew her but it's what we got.  I think about her voice, her giggle, her one-liners that could put you in your place, her ability to get grown men and doctors to do anything she asked. I think of her sticking her stuffed animals in the toilet for Mike to find in the early morning. I think of the baby dolls….all the babies!  I think of all the photos and videos we found that she was making when no one was watching.  I smile at the memory of her putting on make-up before school for a “boyfriend”. I cringe at hearing her say “Hate Michigan, Love State”.

I think of her sitting outside on a day very much like today just enjoying the sun on her face.  As I type butterflies and hummingbirds fly by and I know she is here in spirit.  As I try to stay focused on the beauty and good memories, the tears start.  I miss her and am sad that I will never really know 19-year-old Lisa. I'm conflicted because I know that being sad is not what Lisa would want.  She would want us giggling and smiling.  I'm also emotional because we had a man drown in the lake two days ago. I can imagine the pain the family is in and still hear their cries for help.  As I gaze at the lake and feel the breeze, I wipe the tears from my eyes and reflect.  Losing a loved one is awful, no matter the age or the circumstance.  And, NOTHING we can do will bring them back. But, our thoughts and actions can help to make sure they did not die in vain.  I can't and won't deny my feelings of sadness, tears, or anger because they are justified and help me work through the "what could have/should have been." When the tears have dried, I refocus and search my memories for the good and happy times and look for ways to live life.  Lisa dying "too" young and watching a man disappear in the blink of an eye under the water reinforce what so many of us know..don't take anything for granted.  Today is a good day.  At the moment, I'm alive, healthy, and able-bodied. I will embrace that, count my blessings, and celebrate life. 

While Lisa is no longer with us in bodily form 😢, she is here in spirit and very much in my mind.  As a 19-year-old, I imagine her birthday wish would be to "hang" with her friend.  So, that's what I will do!  Jalissa and family--I'm looking forward to our celebration tonight. Thank you for agreeing to be part of it!

Love You Lisa!

10 Years

5/19/23: Celebrating Love You Lisa tonight. It’s been 10 years since she’s left us. We all do what we need to do to move on and move forward. It’s hard to imagine who or what Lisa would have been like now but that never stops us from thinking of her.

In her honor we decided to go to Grand Rapids to have dinner and see the Lantern Festival at the John Ball Zoo. Did an internet search for restaurants and decided on thesocialmisfits.com as soon as I read their website ! “We believe in nonconformity and the independent spirit…… and we believe in you right to eat waffles whenever you feel like it.” Lisa was an independent spirit and would have had no issue with waffles for dinner!

The Latern Festival was beautiful. One of the first displays was the Chinese zodiac. Lisa’s sign is The Monkey. The description read “The Monkey is very good at being happy under any circumstances, due to its playfulness and resourcefulness.” For everything she went thru Lisa did a pretty good job at living in the moment and being happy.

As we move forward with another day, I hold tight to my memories and can’t help but wish Lisa was still here with us.

I thank Lisa’s classmate, Jalissa, and her mom, for tracking us down. Jalissa knew today was Lisas anniversary of passing and danced tonight in a competition in honor of Lisa. It means so much to us that others remember and honor Lisa and help to keep her with us in spirit.

Love you Lisa!

More pics can be found on LoveYouLisa FB page.

Happy 18th Birthday!

 

Happy 18th Birthday Lisa!  Your life here with us was much too short.  I miss you dearly and wonder what you would have been like today. How would you have wanted to celebrate your birthday? You would have been starting your senior year in highschool so there is a good chance you would have been "hanging" with her friends for most of the day.   You used to love to just "go" places and explore. So, to celebrate you, I went with Aunt Sam to Matthaei Botanical Gardens.  It was beautiful with lots of flower and butterflies. For dinner, Dad and I went out to eat in your honor and enjoyed a steak dinner with a hot fudge cream puff for dessert.  Love You Lisa!

9 Years Ago

Nine years ago Lisa earned her wings.  Since that day, my work calendar is perpetually blocked  on 5/19 with an item that says "Linda Off/ALWAYS (Lisa Dday).  It's more a reminder for me than for anyone else.  It's a reminder to remember Lisa and what she and cancer taught us.  Things like: life is too short to waste, live in the moment, the work will always be there, enjoy the ride, balance the good with the bad, the busy with the idle. 

Yet, even with those lessons, as each year passes I wonder, is it silly to take this day off?  Am I going to do this forever?  Should I still do this?  And then I see posts and receive messages that people are thinking of her and that reinforces my commitment to honoring her on this day. Because life should be about celebrating and living and enjoying.

So, today,  like the past few years, I did not plan anything specific to do. I let the day unfold and focused on slowing down, listening, and being open to "going" where Lisa leads me.  By noon I was getting a little panicky because I hadn't gotten much further than the kitchen table.  As I was looking at one of Lisa's pictures I decided I might need to get some help on the "going" and asked Alexa what was something fun to do today.  The answer "Paint rocks or cook your favorite meal".  Okkkkkkk.  That answer actually sounded like something Lisa would say.  I opted to put that on the back burner and go for a drive and check out a few garden centers.  I like gardening and needed some plants, Lisa liked to just "go" so seemed like a good compromise for the day.  The first garden center I stopped at was small and just off the side of the road.  The owner came from around the back to greet me and show me the plants.  Some cute potted arrangements and cool painted signs but I was really looking for some starter perennials and there were very few of those.  I figured I'd look take a quick look and be on the go in less than 10 minutes.  I was done in less than 5 minutes. I decided to go around again and made a conscious effort to slow down and look and enjoy.

 This time the metal flower hanging on the wall caught my eye.  Lisa would love that.  I then noticed the Lake Living signs, hand-painted fence, baskets getting a second life with stencil-work. The more I looked the more things I noticed that I'd missed the first time thru....there was some really cute stuff.  I decided to get the metal flower.  As the owner approached me the second time, I noticed she had a small paint brush in her hand.  We started chatting about the business and the yard art. As we continued talking I shared that I was just meandering around in honor of my daughter and then....it hit me....she had a paint brush in her hand!  I told her how Alexa said to "paint rocks" and while I had plenty of rocks I didn't have any outdoor paint.  Would she mind if I borrowed her brush to paint a rock?  She didn't mind at all.  She took me around back and there in her painting area were a bunch of rocks that were pink and purple from overspray when she was doing her projects.  Perfect! I grabbed a purple one. She looked surprised. "Don't you want to paint something on it?" Ummm, sure.  She took the rock and then stenciled a flower on it.  She asked if I wanted her to paint a stem on it.  I asked if she had gold paint.  She hunted up and down and couldn't find gold.  

She painted the stem turquoise.  She was just about finished and bent down to get something out of her paintbox and right there on top was a gold paint pen that had never been opened (WTH?!!)  We quickly opened it and added Lisa's name and a gold ribbon.  ONE HOUR later I was on my way with the metal flower and painted rock.  I marveled at how a 5 minute stop turned into multiple connections with my daughter at my side calling the shots.

I stopped at three more garden centers and can only blame Lisa for the flats of flowers that were purchased;)  Mike and I finished the day at Zukey Lake Tavern eating a Lisa-approved meal that started with pretzels and dipping cheese, lakeside lemonade, and some steak.

This was a much better day than the one 9 years ago.  There is still hurt and emptiness but I'm greatful when I have opportunities like today to really feel Lisa with me.   I wish she was still here in her human form, living, loving and celebrating with us.  I miss her dearly.  Love You Lisa.

Happy 17th Birthday

Happy 17th Birthday to Lisa. I struggled a bit to "hear" her inspiration for how to spend the day. At 17, I'm not so sure spending the day with her mom would still be a thing! Finally decided on a little adventure to a Sunflower Farm. Found one close to home and was joined by Lisa's Aunt Malinda Bissell Yesh and cousin Megan Yesh Bruen youngest daughter Cecilia. This little girl was channeling Lisa's spirit:) We looked at lots of flowers and took plenty of pictures but....she was only smiling in the ones that she told us to take! That is so Lisa! If it wasn't her idea, well, then....it wasn't going to be pretty! Thank You Cecilia and Malinda for celebrating with me.

Mike McMaster and I celebrated with a birthday dinner of Lisa's favorites including a "lemonade" drink, chicken fingers, and steak at Hamburg Pub. We took Lisa and the kids her a few times when she was very young. We followed dinner with a trip to a new ice creamery NautiMi on the River. Lisa was with us in spirit. My attention was drawn to a rack of bracelets and the one I picked up had "Not the worst mother" imprinted on it. Nearby was a piece of art that stated "Say Yes to New Adventures". That's our girl!

How I wish she was still with us to say these things in person. Miss you so much my litte warrior. Love you Lisa.

05/19/21 Eight years

Eight years since Lisa left us.  She has now been gone from this earth for as many years as she was on it.  She will always be in my heart and while I think of her often she is definitely on my mind frequently around this time of year.  

The last night with her is etched in my memory.  I remember laying in bed with the windows open because it was a warm day in May.  I could not sleep as every movement and breath she took had me on high alert.  I listened to the chorus of frogs as the night slowly passed.   I knew that morning was near because the frogs stopped and one solo bird was chirping loudly as the new day was beginning.  I thought it odd that I was noticing these sounds and felt like I was hyperattentive to storing all of it in my mind. Somehow, I knew that these would end up being the last moments I had with Lisa.  

This time of year with the nightly nature chorus and warm weather has always brought me contentment. However,  I recognize now that my contentment is coupled with melancholy.  I am caught off guard by feelings of sadness, restlessness, and a sense of purposelessness,   In the first few weeks of nature's shift I find myself wondering why are my favorite evenings followed by days of despondency?  What's wrong with me?  What is missing?  Why don't I care about xxx?   And, then the answer blindsides me and becomes crystal clear.  I'm sad because these sounds that I love and signal my favorite time of year are also imprinted and ingrained in my soul as my last night with Lisa.  I'm sad because I lost my baby, because I miss her, I wonder what could have been, I wonder.....

Understanding what is causing the sadness doesn't make it go away but it allows me to have grace and acceptance of myself.  I give in to the feeling and live a few days, sometimes weeks, loving the night sounds one moment and in another tearing up because they take me back to those last moments.  I give myself permission to do nothing or something whatever feels right in the moment.  And, that--"in the moment"--reminds me that is what cancer and Lisa taught me.  Our lives and energy are not infinite but they are fluid and unpredictable.  We can have crappy days and good days.  Some days we will worry away, others we will count our blessings.  We can have days of pain and others that are pain-free.  Life is meant to be lived...in...the....moment.  Live them all, feel them all, they are what makes us who we are.

Today we celebrated Lisa and were joined by Chrissy.  We went out to dinner and ordered steak because that's what Lisa would have done!  We reminisced and shared a very thoughtful and emotional conversation about life and love and self.  While Lisa can't be with us, we know that we are who we are because of our life lessons that she played a big part in.

Love you Lisa,  Miss you Lisa.💖

Happy Sweet 16

Today Lisa would have turned sweet 16.   I try to imagine what she would have been like.  I think she still would have been a force to be reckoned with and if she decided she wanted something she would have figured out how to make it happen.  I have to believe she may have finally left the baby dolls at home but can’t help wondering if she would have become the go-to babysitter in the area.

Mike and I celebrated her birthday by taking a little trip to Ludington this weekend to visit some friends with a spontaneous detour on the way home to stay with my brother and sister-in-law at their cottage in Grey Lake.  Something Lisa would have totally approved of with her love to “just go”.  No doubt that being 16 she would have been driving.   This crazy covid year of 2020 has provided me constant reminders of what Lisa taught me.   Believe in something bigger than myself and my ability to persevere no matter how crazy things seem, Live life fully and if I can’t change the situation then work on changing my attitude, Aspire to do my best and appreciate what I have this minute because it could change in the next, Stay the course and sooner or later I’ll figure out how best to maneuver it, Tencacity is sometimes going to be the only way to keep going. 

As I think of Lisa today and miss her dearly I can’t help but think of all the others who have passed since she left us.  All of them leaving little holes in my heart and holes in the lives of their loved ones.    Many of them gone much sooner than what anyone deemed fair and leaving those of us behind spinning with questions and seeking understanding.  Every instance making me stop and think and wonder why them, why now, how does that happen, how do those of us left behind move forward?  We never seem to get the answers, and even when we do it doesn’t bring them back.  Somehow, we figure out how to move forward, often with sadness in our hearts and tears in our eyes, we get thru the next moment, the next hour, the next day.  It does become easier, sometimes.  We remind ourselves that our loved ones would want us to be happy and enjoying life.  We find others with whom we shared our loved ones and together we knit new days and new memories always keeping those who have left us tucked in the corner of our minds and our hearts.  We know and feel, some days more than others, that they are with us in spirit.

I would be remiss if I didn’t share that today, on Lisa’s 16^th birthday, my heart is still torn at the loss of a very good friend Aaron Stotts.  He passed away on August 20^th while on vacation with his family.  It was sudden and unexpected.  Aaron was one of Lisa’s biggest fans and the feeling was mutual as Lisa claimed Aaron as one of her many boyfriends.   Aaron, like Lisa, had a magnetic personality and was loved by many.  He was a key contributor in planning and making the BLAST fundraisers we did years ago a success.  Most people couldn’t say no to Aaron when he was seeking a donation, add Lisa to the mix, and wellllllll….those two were magic.    Aaron is missed by many and his loved ones are in my thoughts as we all push forward without him. 

I find a teeny tiny bit of solace in hoping that while both Lisa and Aaron were taken from us far too soon I have to believe those two are catching up in the afterlife and Aaron is making sure Lisa is having the sweet 16 celebration she deserves.

Miss you Lisa. Love you Lisa.  Happy Birthday!

 

   

Seven Years

It has been seven years since Lisa earned her wings.  I made a promise to myself that every year, no matter what was going on, this day would not be the normal routine.  It would be a day I to just "be and live in the moment".  Each year since she left us, I've been able to stay away from work, home responsibilities, adulthood and just do whatever speaks to me.  Sometimes that means a vacation, sometimes it means getting a tattoo, sometimes it's just having good food with good friends.

Today was spent honoring Lisa by living like she did.  I took a long nap, a car ride to "just go", talked with her sisters, ate chips and cheese for dinner and watched  Finding Nemo.  In a time when the whole world is fighting a pandemic and many are living in lock-downs the lessons Lisa taught us are crucial.  It's important to realize that each day is a gift and count our blessings.  I woke up this morning in a warm, dry bed.  I am healthy.  I have a wonderful husband, children, family and lots of friends who love me.  I have a job that I enjoy and has not been disrupted by the pandemic. I am blessed with another day.  That is not something to take for granted.  I wish I could say that I live in the moment and my count my blessings each day but, the truth is, it's not always easy especially when work, life and responsibilities abound.  But, just as I did seven years ago, I vow to make sure that on May 19  each year I will stop and live like Lisa. I will remember what a fighter she was and how even in the toughest of times she was able to bring hope and light to each day.

Living like Lisa! Chips and Cheese for dinner while watching Finding Nemo

This photo is from 10 years ago!! It was originally captioned "In the photo with Lisa and Tom, is one of the many local hero's at the hospital, nurse "Squirt"". Thank you to all the Hero's (then and now) that take care of us.

Happy 15th Birthday

Today, Lisa would have turned 15 years old.  I miss her smiles, I miss her voice, I miss her giggles, I miss her babies.  I miss her.  I wonder what she would have been like at 15, surely she would have given up her babies.  She would be in high school.  Would she have played a team sport, been a cheerleader, in karate, take to the field with the band, steal the show on the stage?  We will never know.  I think about how much pain she must have been in at times yet still managed to smile and make us laugh on most days.  I remind myself often that any aches and pains I have or bad days are nothing compared to what she went through.  I wish so much to be able to see her, hear her, touch her hug her. I can't. She's gone. Forever.  Far too soon. She only celebrated 8 birthdays.  Others have joined her and it doesn't lessen the pain.  But, it does remind me of the importance of living in the moment and appreciating what I have before it is gone.  A video of Lisa to help fill the hole in my heart.  Hotdogs and corn on the cob on for dinner to celebrate like she would.

Six Years Today

It has been six years since Lisa left us.  In her honor, I participated in the St. Baldrick Shave-A-Thon today and shaved my head. 

Thank you to everyone who made a donation and came to the event.  The final numbers are still being tallied.  Preliminary numbers estimate that the event raised $84,000+ of which LoveYouLisa fans contributed $2,000+.   Words cannot express how grateful I am to all of you for honoring Lisa and raising funds for research so maybe, one day, others won't have to lose what we all did.

Being surrounded by family, friensds and other warriors makes this day a little more tolerable.  I'm reminded that I'm not alone in my loss and that Lisa made a difference. She provided us with so many life lessons at such a young age, I can't help but wonder what she could have done had she had more time on this earth.  I miss her so much and as I watch my other children grow up and become adults I can't help but mourn all the things we will never see Lisa do.   I imagine what she would be like at 14 and the word incorrigible comes to mind.  That girl would have been calling all the shots and running the household with a sassy little strut and big smile on her face.

After six years, it's still hard to believe she is gone.  Words for thought that I heard from a podcast the other day:  "We survivors don't move on.  We move forward. Life and death are not just moments that we can leave behind.  The people we loved and lost are still present for us.  Not in the way they were before but they are present in our memories and our decision making.  They made us the people we are today.  We don't move on, we move forward with them." https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it/transcript?language=en#t-347355

12 more days! Please consider donating!

Thank you to all who donated and provided words of support. It looks like I’m shaving my head!   Debbie B. made the first donation and has first dibs of cutting cut off my pony-tail.  My niece Laura Bonhard and her new husband John made a very generous donation and get the first shave of my head.  There are 12 more days before the event.  Please consider donating to support childhood cancer research. https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/1035742/2019

Almost 6 years since she left us

May 19, 2019 marks the 6^th year since Lisa left us.  It is also the day of St. Baldrick's Shave-A-Thon….in Livonia…at Claddagh Irish Pub.

It seems like Lisa is sending a pretty strong message of what I should do to honor her that day.  She thought nothing of shaving her head, it was part of her getting ready for summer ritual. Only problem is I’m not Lisa and having a shaved head is not one of my best looks.  (Some have compared bald me to Mr. Bean and Beaker from the Muppets!)

But, it’s not about the hair, right?  It’s about Lisa and the other childhood cancer warriors. It’s about how they have bigger worries then hair.  It’s about childhood cancer research being extremely underfunded and finding ways to increase awareness, funding and research.  

So, I should do it, right?   In honor of Lisa, I should shave my head.  But I need your encouragement and support.   Every dollar makes a difference for the thousands of infants, children, teens, and young adults fighting childhood cancers Will you please consider donating to help me raise money for childhood cancer research?  All you need to do is click this link. 

If you’re able to join us at the event message me.  I will see if I can reserve spots for the group and get a set time for my shave!

 

PS. Someone mentioned offering added incentives to get people to donate.  Something like the first person to donate gets to cut off my pony-tail (which I will be donating to Michigan’s Children with Hairloss.) and the person who donates the largest amount gets to do the first shave.  What do you think? Any other ideas?  Let me know!

 

 

 

Happy 14th Birthday

Today Lisa would have turned 14 years old.  I try to think of what she would be like.  I'm pretty sure she would have been our toughest teen.  She had no issue telling you what she thought and getting what she wanted.  I attempted to honor her today doing things that I thought she might have enjoyed.
I started the day with a massage and as I drove to it felt Lisa guiding me to call a friend who lived in the area who I had not seen in years.  The odds were that she would not be available  given the short notice but I had to at least reach out as it seemed what Lisa wanted.  Five minutes later I was on my way to meet my friend for lunch.  Maranda was in the area so she was able to join us.

We had a great time catching up and when we were done Maranda and I got pedicures together.  I then headed off to a psychic reading.  While an interesting experience I'm still not sure what I think about what I heard.  

Mike and I finished off the day having dinner with our neighbors at the lake.  Two of the families have girls Lisa's age that she played with years ago.  It was nice to be able to spend some time with these young ladies nd think about how much Lisa would have enjoyed the evening.

Remember tomorrow starts Childhood Cancer Awareness month.  Be Bold Wear Gold because kids can’t fight cancer alone and  they shouldn't have to!