Wednesday, January 12, 2011

3rd day of chemo

We are in our third day of chemo and Lisa, as usual, is holding strong.  She seems a little more tired and short on patience, but who wouldn't?  Lord knows I'm tuckered out.

I want to thank all of you who are reading for all your kind thoughts and prayers.  A special shout out to Lisa G, Bill and Sue who joined Mike and I for drinks on Monday and let us ignore reality and just hang out.  It is all of you readers and supporters (and drinkers) that help get us thru.  I read every single response, post and email Tuesday morning.  I took as much strength as I could from your comments and prayers and used those, denial, and the mundane task of cleaning house to get thru yesterday. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who continue to read and provide support....YOU are how I get thru, YOU are how I know I'm not alone, YOU are how I know if I crumble, someone will be there to glue, tape, stick back the pieces and help me take the next steps.

People often say that they don't know how we do what we do.   Well, the truth is, you do.  Whether it's cancer, teenagers, losing a job, in-laws, annoying neighbors, whatever the cross is, you do what you have to do.  Simple as that.  We take it one day at a time;  babysteps; one foot in front of the other... that's what gets us thru, that's how YOU would do what we do.  Really what choice is there?

So, right now what am I'm doing? I'm drawing on every single comment for strength, trying to believe in prayer, and looking to find myself in all of this mess.  I'm hoping that Lisa continues to be able to fight and am trying to hold the rest of the family together before we spontaneously combust.  Because while all the focus is on Lisa, I can't help but wonder the impact this is having on Mike and my long-term health and on Maranda, Thomas and Christina's emotional health.  Lisa has needed and gotten the most attention, while the others, for 3 yrs, have been short-changed.  Obviously, it's understandable and for good reason, but the truth is this cannot be easy on 3 developing teenagers.   It seems like as much as Mike and I try to dig out, we are only going to get deeper in the hole for a while and face a lot of cleanup.  It is overwhelming and that is where I jump back to babysteps...doing a little bit each day and trying to find good in each day and hope for the future.

Again, all I can do is take small steps and try to make lemonade out of lemons.  The best way I personally do this is to avoid staying at home idle why Lisa is living life and going to school.  So, on that note, I'm trying to cross off a few things on my bucket list.  One, I'm setting out to start an organizing business.  I've always wanted to be a professional organizer and with my mornings free and my mind full, this seems like a good way to divert my attentions and help others while bringing in a little income.  Two, I am looking for someone to help me find out if I should pursue the idea of getting the blog published as a book...something numerous people have told me to do.  Third, I'm looking into forming a neuroblastoma support group and possibly doing another fundraiser.

I know lofty ambitions given what we are going thru.  But honestly, I need other things to focus on or I will shrivel up into a ball and may never resurface.  Feeling sorry for myself, asking "what if", and searching for cures and treatments that don't exist is just non-productive, depressing and makes me want to throw in the towel.

So, hence the bucket list.  If you know of anyone that needs help getting their house in order or letting go of clutter, anyone who is knowledgeable about getting published, anyone who is interested in fundraising or who knows someone with neuroblastoma send them my way!  I can use all the help I can get in achieving my  bucket list and staying positive.

Thanks for reading, praying and sending support.  Keep up the good work, we truly appreciate it!!!


Liz said...

I pray for Lisa every single day. She was in Vince's class last year, so I've spoken to her on more than one occasion. Both my kids know her and have been praying for her.

Also, whenever you're ready to start the house organizing, send me a message. I'm ready. :-)

Lynn said...

Linda, you are *all* in my thoughts, every day. I wish you peace of mind and heart, even when there's none in life. And baby steps sound like the perfect approach to me. Take care and XOs to you all!

Lynn Z.

tom said...

Ok you KNOW we need your help....

Tracy O'Brien said...

Linda and Family - I pray for Lisa every single day and for your entire family during these struggling times. You are doing the best you can for you and ALL your kids and that is all God wants you to do. I continue to pray, pray and pray some more.

Anonymous said...

I saw your blog on FB from a friend some time ago when you did your fundraiser. I check back and continually pray for your WHOLE family. I am a mom of 2 young ones and your strength amazes me. I also have to say that the job that the drs. and ped nurses do on a daily basis amazes me as well. I will pray for your family for strength and comfort.

Kerri & Rick said...

Hey Neighbors: We too are praying for you guys! We are going through those tough teen times too and baby steps is the only way to do it. We too have one without a job and again day-to-day prayer is the only way to get through those baby steps.