Sunday, November 22, 2009

PLEASE PRAY...TESTS CONCERNING

The phone call came last night...the test results are "concerning". I don't even know what to write.

Do I tell you that even before we dialed the number, we knew the news would be bad but still hoped differently? It was Saturday and the doc left a message to "call", if it was good news she would have left that on the message, not just a return phone number.

Do I tell you that we sent the kids in the other room as we put the doc on speaker phone and of course while the older ones did as they were told, Lisa bounced happily around us oblivious (or so it seemed to everything)

Do I tell you that Friday night, Lisa told me her doctor left a message and had bad news for us ( we didn't retrieve the message until Saturday night and the doctor didn't say anything good or bad on the message...just to call)

Do I tell you that tears just streamed down my face uncontrollably during the call? Do I tell you that I had to go hide in the shower for the next hour until the kids went to bed? Do I tell you that Mike and I looked at each other in shock and disbelief at 9:30 pm and realized we had no idea what to do with ourselves?

Do I tell you that I started asking myself if things really mattered...what difference does it make? Does it matter if Lisa stays up late, does it matter that she hasn't learned how to tie shoes or zipper yet, does it matter that she still wears a pull-up to bed, does it matter that she can't recognize all her ABC's?

Do I tell you that I finally just went to bed numb? Do I tell you that Lisa woke me at 5:00 to sleep in bed with us and I left her there with Mike because the tears were coming and I didn't want to upset her?

I do not know what to tell you. My mind is a whirlwind. Somewhere deep down I really thought she was going to beat this. I thought she would be the one. She looks so good and is so happy. I cannot belief that she is going to have to go thru everything again. She will be bald again and sick and skinny and not eating and in the hospital and.......

I guess I should tell you what the doctor said. The tests are "concerning". On the three different sets of scans, there were three different areas that showed possible activity. Any one by itself, not so concerning, but that each test identified a different area causes concern. There was areas at the tops of both her legs, two small areas in her brain, and an area near her neck and arm. All spots are small, but most likely indications that Lisa's remission is over. The doctor will be scheduling a biopsy to be done AFTER we return from Disney trip.

I am......I don't even know...

Is God trying to teaching me something and I just keep missing the lesson so I keep having to "learn" some more....I just don't know what he wants me to learn and can't fathom why Lisa has to be the tool he uses.

I can't think "forward" more than a millisecond because I just start crying. Honestly, any thought I have just crushes me....I am paralyzed with sadness and fear...I do not want to go thru this again...the thought "I can't do it" races thru my head even though I know I have no choice...

So, it is 6 am on a Sunday morning and I post this hoping all of you will move Lisa to the top of your prayer list and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY....for a cure and for strength and for hope...because we need all of it.
P.S. There is another thing that we have been wanting to share that we got news on the same time Mike's mom went into the hospital. Maranda's tests re:scoliosis are dismal as well. The doctor wants to do a spinal fusion. While I knew this was something she would probably need in her life sometime, I really thought it would be when she was 16 or so and had stopped growing. Apparently not...her curve has increased by 10% and the doc wants to do a spinal fusion. She originally said June, but cautioned that we would need to give Maranda our full attention, so she warned us that if we thought Lisa would end up in treatment and need our attention, she would prefer to bump Maranda's surgery earlier rather than later...which now leads me to wonder, what the hell am I supposed to do?!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

prayers..prayers..prayers!

First have a great time in Disney and live in the moment as you tell the rest of us!

Faith is strong! So live strong!

Lisa G.

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you and your family at this very difficult time. I can't help but cry while reading this.

Laura Kelm

Anonymous said...

prayers..prayers..prayers..

Live in the moment and ENJOY Disney...live it through Lisa's eyes...and enjoy everything..

Live Strong..just as you tell everyone else...live for today!

Lisa G.

Anonymous said...

It has been along time since I have checked in. I have read the update and was so blessed to know Lisa was doing so well. I would continue to hold on the promise that all will be well. I am choosing to believe that Lisa will beat this. As a christian I can't even anwser the why's and what you are to learn from this. All I know is that the lord said his plans are for good and not to harm us so I know there will be good. I will be praying for Lisa and for your whole family to stay strong and that the lord will increase your faith.

Love, Kristen McIntyre

tom said...

We love all of you McMasters. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Our loving Father in Heaven will sustain you. You and Mike have shown great faith and been examples to us all.
I cannot fathom what you are going through, but I am a witness to the love you share.
You are always in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Dear Linda and Mike,
Praying hard for Lisa and Maranda. Laura filled me in this morning and so sorry to hear what you are all up against. Please let me know if we can help in any way.

Prayers,
The Kreagers

Megan Bruen said...

Just to let you know, my hair is long enough to cut again, just give me the word...Your family can beat this, she became a McMaster for a reason.

Love and Prayers always,
Megan

Anonymous said...

Hold strong. Lisa, Maranda, and the family are prayed for daily...especially for strength. Lisa is a strong girl...she kicked cancer's butt once...she can do it again. As always call any time if you need anything even just to yell or cry. I'm with Megan, my hair is ready to go if need be.
Samantha

Anonymous said...

Extra prayers and thoughts to Lisa and Maranda tonight!

Pack for Disney and enjoy the time together! She needs to have the time of her life so she can feel strong to get through this again! She can do it - you can do it!

The Chemotti's