Sorry for not posting much this past week. Our attention has been on getting a sponsor for our fundraiser. After two weeks of searching and finally accepting that we would probably have to launch our own non-profit, one conversation changed everything. We believe we do have sponsorship and are working to finalize the date. It will be a BIG shindig with something for everyone and will be happening in early June. Stay tuned!
We all have been loving the chance to be outdoors as MI temperatures warm up to the 50s and we kid ourselves into thinking spring is here. I realized yesterday to that I've been kidding myself about Lisa's condition as well. She has been doing so great, that I find that I minimize the threat cancer really has on her life. We've been blessed with many months of being "normal". We can go places and do normal things like school, church, shopping without a thought and I just treat our chemo visits as the "thing" she does. Ya know, some kids have soccer, some kids have dance, we have chemo. I was brought crashing back to reality yesterday when her doc emailed to say her blood counts were low and she shouldn't be going to school because she's at higher risk for infection and if she spikes a fever we will have to admit her. What?! Reality came screeching in...crap, I've got a sick kid here. She doesn't look sick, she doesn't act sick, but the truth is she has a terrible disease taking over her body. Hmmm....not sure what that really means. I guess just that sometimes it takes my breath away to realize how cruel and how unfair this disease is and how angry I am that Lisa has to suffer with it. She is such a loving, happy little girl and it pisses me off to think of all she's been through and how chances are her health is going to go downhill and someday instead of looking at a happy, smiling, giggling girl with mass of curls on her head, I'm going to be holding a bald, weak shell of a cancer warrior named Lisa.
Okay...enough of that....can't dwell on the past, can't worry about the future...can only live in the moment. And at the moment Lisa is having me dress every baby doll she owns (last count was close to 60) and we are planning on baking cookies later.
To end on a happy note, Mike's cousin Ashley put together a wonderful picture montage of Lisa and posted it on facebook. You can also view it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrnCxps6dDg
Keep praying and if you could throw in an extra prayer for Mike and I that God give us guidance on when best to schedule Maranda's surgery and clarity on how best to help Tom get the skills and support he needs in the academic world.
Hugs to all!
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4 comments:
Love u guys and praying!!!
Enjoyed making cookies with the princess yesterday.
I am right with you in the denial because she looks and acts healthy.
Support and love always.
Lisa, Alec and Lauren ;)
You are all so incredible!!!!
How cool that you found a sponsor; looking forward to the June event.
I'm sorry to hear that Lisa's blood counts are low and so she shouldn't be going to school. I'm glad to hear that she seems fine. I think Lisa is one of the best role models I've ever met for living in the present. I'm also glad you've been blessed with many months of normal.
Ashley's montage is terrific. I think it really shows the essence of Lisa and the McMaster family!
I know you and Mike will figure out the best path for Maranda's surgery and support for Tom. You are simply the best. You are amazing in your ability to acknowledge the pain, anger, and sadness of all that you are going through, let it go, and then focus on the present and the positive in your life--time and again.
Sending you much love and comfort,
Pam
What strikes me as I read your latest post, other than the obvious gut-wrenching emotion it evokes, is how extraordinary it is that you can live in the moment at all, and even that you try. It's often impossible for those of us facing the most ordinary, non-life-threatening circumstances to not become overwhelmed by uncertainty or fear, and yet that's precisely what we need to try to do, realizing all the time that there are limits to what we can truly "process" (for lack of a better word) at any given time. If you were to take on, full force, the complete comprehension and emotional weight of your reality all day, every day, it'd probably make it pretty damn difficult if not impossible for you to be such a stable, solid force in your children's lives. So we should live in the moment, sure, but consciously or unconsciously we filter our reality so we can cope.
I'm fully confident that you and Mike have all the guidance that you need in your heads, in your hearts, and at your fingertips, because besides being stellar parents, you are both expert problem solvers. But I will send you peaceful energy so that once you've put your solutions into action you can exhale.
Sending you extra hugs, loving energy and healing vibes today.
Lynn Zott
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