Happy 21st Birthday!

Today, 8/31/25,  would have been Lisa's 21st birthday.  It is also the day that we will gather with friends and family for our end-of-summer Labor Day party.  To celebrate Lisa, her godfather, Mr. Matt  will be making Baby Doll shots so we can all raise a toast in her honor.

Like always, I’ve been thinking about Lisa-- wondering who she'd be today, and looking for signs that she's still with us. In the past two weeks, I've taken a few pictures that show the ways she’s made her presence known.

Two weeks ago, I went to a doctor’s appointment and noticed they had finally added a TV in the waiting room. I caught my breath when I saw that Beauty and the Beast was playing---one of Lisa's favorites. I smiled as the memories came flooding back. I snuck a couple of photos of the screen, just trying to capture the moment.  I knew this was Lisa "sending me a sign".  Even more remarkable was the closed captioning I had captured in the pictures.

Last week, I went to my chiropractor’s office, and saw a new sign hanging above the door.  It was hung by one of the workers whose birthday just happens to be August 31.

And then—the icing on the cake, literally. While shopping at Costco for the party, I was talking to Mike about what dessert Lisa would've wanted. I mentioned that Chrissy suggested a Sanders Bumpy Cake, and I asked him what he thought.  Before he could answer, I turned the corner and there it was: Sanders Bumpy Cake.  I think we got Lisa's answer.

Thank You Lisa for finding ways to show us that you are always with us.

Love you Lisa.  Miss you Lisa.💗💗💗

May 19, 2025

It’s been twelve years since you left us, but you are often in my thoughts and always in my heart.

As always, this is a day filled with memories of you. Each year, I try to find something that honors you and the lessons you left behind. 

This year, I’m in Italy, at a yoga retreat with your Aunt Sam. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I’ve never been entirely comfortable with travel. The fact that it fell on your memorial day was the sign I needed—I knew I had to go.

You LOVED to go places and in your short time with us, you taught us so much! Things like sometimes the car ride is the best part of a journey, have fun no matter what you’re  doing, find joy in the little things—like Doritos and bumpy cake—and naps are amazingl

Interestingly, this retreat focuses on these same ideas and has been a powerful reminder to step outside my comfort zone, live in the moment, practice gratitude, and find balance in doing everything or doing nothing. 

Your lessons echo here and encourage me to remember that:

• going outside your comfort zone is about the journey, not the outcome. 
• practicing gratitude helps to make the best of every moment.
• choose what you say yes to and what you say no to… you don’t have to do everything and doing nothing is doing something. 

One of the first exercises we did at the yoga retreat was to find a word that would be your “waypoint”. The word I chose was balance, and I struggled through quite a few sessions wondering if I had chosen the right word.  In last year’s post, I wrote Lisa was spectacular at balancing her love for "doing" with "being" and I realize I have had the right word all along.

Once again, I realize you were wise beyond your years. I'm still learning and will seek to embrace balance and gratitude every day.

Love You Lisa. Miss You Lisa.

Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not

Happy Birthday Lisa!  Today, August 31, 2024, we had our annual Labor Day party and celebrated your 20th birthday. Family and friends gathered to float in the lake, eat lots of food, watch Michigan football and just enjoy life and each other.  

All week the song Memory by Maroon 5 has been drifting in and out of my head. We played that song when we brought out the cake.  I couldn't think of a better way to sum up today:

"Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you"

Tears were shed as we listened to the song, Butttt, the tears brought back memories and the memories brought back you. You were with us in our minds and in spirit as we remembered you and your impact on our lives and hearts.  

I was touched and delighted that your childhood friend Jalissa came to the party.  She knew few people, but came and stood by my side for a few hours to be here and be my buddy because you can't be.  You live on in Jalissa and all our friends and family and I'm so thankful for that.  I miss you so much, and appreciate all these people that helped you fight cancer and now help to keep you alive in our hearts.

We miss and love you Lisa! 

Ladies with tattos in Lisa's honor:)

11 Years Ago 😥

Eleven years ago on 5/19/13 Lisa left us. As I do every year, I spent this day honoring her and her too-short life. Today was spent just being—sitting on the deck looking at the lake, going on a bike ride, having dinner with family, and enjoying a boat ride with ice cream for dessert.

As the day unwound, I found myself conflicted as I thought about how every day is a gift, and we should not take it for granted; how we should embrace life and live each day fully.

I realized that I often feel that living life fully means I need to be doing something that adds value to the world.  I  measure a day’s worth by how much I accomplish that day. On days when I do "nothing," I'm consumed with guilt, feeling like I've wasted a precious day that Lisa never got. I struggle to recognize that there is value in simply being present and enjoying the moment. It's okay to do "nothing" because rest and reflection are as important as action.

Lisa was spectacular at balancing her love for "doing" with "being." She seemed to understand that both are meaningful and that living fully isn't about what you do but about being in the moment and knowing that’s exactly where you should be.

This child was wise beyond her years. I'm still learning from her as I try to find balance between action and stillness.  I need to value each day based on my presence in it, not by what I  accomplish.

Love You Lisa. Miss You Lisa.

19 Years Old!!

Today Lisa would have been 19 years old. So many thoughts in my head.  I think of the day we received the call that she was born.  The ensuing calls regarding placement in our home with her siblings, Tommy and Chrissy. I grin thinking about how the laughs and energy of a 5,6, and 7 year old along with a chunky baby made our house alive  (Umm, and yes, Lisa was chunky!  So much that we put her in a stockpot once and snapped a picture of our very own butterball turkey).  I think of how blessed we were to enjoy these children and watch them grow and, after three years, become a forever family.

I think about our first "McMaster Kids" family trip to Disney to celebrate the adoption and not allowing myself to worry about some preliminary tests done on Lisa for what I thought was going to be childhood arthritis or a problem with her leg muscle. I remember being back at work and getting the call from Ortho doc that she needed to be admitted to the ER immediately because docs were certain she had cancer; either leukemia or neuroblastoma.  I remember frantically trying to get in contact with Mike who was with Lisa at the lakehouse as I quickly googled both words because neither sounded good.  I prayed it was leukemia because that was more curable.

As I write this, I make a conscious effort to block the thoughts about the tests, trials, and treatments as they sadden me.  I force myself to remember the good and the happy.  Like, how ecstatic I was that Lisa was able to start kindergarten with all the other kids.  And then she was able to start a second year of kindergarten, then first grade, and part of second grade.  Not nearly enough for all who knew her but it's what we got.  I think about her voice, her giggle, her one-liners that could put you in your place, her ability to get grown men and doctors to do anything she asked. I think of her sticking her stuffed animals in the toilet for Mike to find in the early morning. I think of the baby dolls….all the babies!  I think of all the photos and videos we found that she was making when no one was watching.  I smile at the memory of her putting on make-up before school for a “boyfriend”. I cringe at hearing her say “Hate Michigan, Love State”.

I think of her sitting outside on a day very much like today just enjoying the sun on her face.  As I type butterflies and hummingbirds fly by and I know she is here in spirit.  As I try to stay focused on the beauty and good memories, the tears start.  I miss her and am sad that I will never really know 19-year-old Lisa. I'm conflicted because I know that being sad is not what Lisa would want.  She would want us giggling and smiling.  I'm also emotional because we had a man drown in the lake two days ago. I can imagine the pain the family is in and still hear their cries for help.  As I gaze at the lake and feel the breeze, I wipe the tears from my eyes and reflect.  Losing a loved one is awful, no matter the age or the circumstance.  And, NOTHING we can do will bring them back. But, our thoughts and actions can help to make sure they did not die in vain.  I can't and won't deny my feelings of sadness, tears, or anger because they are justified and help me work through the "what could have/should have been." When the tears have dried, I refocus and search my memories for the good and happy times and look for ways to live life.  Lisa dying "too" young and watching a man disappear in the blink of an eye under the water reinforce what so many of us know..don't take anything for granted.  Today is a good day.  At the moment, I'm alive, healthy, and able-bodied. I will embrace that, count my blessings, and celebrate life. 

While Lisa is no longer with us in bodily form 😢, she is here in spirit and very much in my mind.  As a 19-year-old, I imagine her birthday wish would be to "hang" with her friend.  So, that's what I will do!  Jalissa and family--I'm looking forward to our celebration tonight. Thank you for agreeing to be part of it!

Love You Lisa!

10 Years

5/19/23: Celebrating Love You Lisa tonight. It’s been 10 years since she’s left us. We all do what we need to do to move on and move forward. It’s hard to imagine who or what Lisa would have been like now but that never stops us from thinking of her.

In her honor we decided to go to Grand Rapids to have dinner and see the Lantern Festival at the John Ball Zoo. Did an internet search for restaurants and decided on thesocialmisfits.com as soon as I read their website ! “We believe in nonconformity and the independent spirit…… and we believe in you right to eat waffles whenever you feel like it.” Lisa was an independent spirit and would have had no issue with waffles for dinner!

The Latern Festival was beautiful. One of the first displays was the Chinese zodiac. Lisa’s sign is The Monkey. The description read “The Monkey is very good at being happy under any circumstances, due to its playfulness and resourcefulness.” For everything she went thru Lisa did a pretty good job at living in the moment and being happy.

As we move forward with another day, I hold tight to my memories and can’t help but wish Lisa was still here with us.

I thank Lisa’s classmate, Jalissa, and her mom, for tracking us down. Jalissa knew today was Lisas anniversary of passing and danced tonight in a competition in honor of Lisa. It means so much to us that others remember and honor Lisa and help to keep her with us in spirit.

Love you Lisa!

More pics can be found on LoveYouLisa FB page.

Happy 18th Birthday!

 

Happy 18th Birthday Lisa!  Your life here with us was much too short.  I miss you dearly and wonder what you would have been like today. How would you have wanted to celebrate your birthday? You would have been starting your senior year in highschool so there is a good chance you would have been "hanging" with her friends for most of the day.   You used to love to just "go" places and explore. So, to celebrate you, I went with Aunt Sam to Matthaei Botanical Gardens.  It was beautiful with lots of flower and butterflies. For dinner, Dad and I went out to eat in your honor and enjoyed a steak dinner with a hot fudge cream puff for dessert.  Love You Lisa!