Happy Sweet 16

Today Lisa would have turned sweet 16.   I try to imagine what she would have been like.  I think she still would have been a force to be reckoned with and if she decided she wanted something she would have figured out how to make it happen.  I have to believe she may have finally left the baby dolls at home but can’t help wondering if she would have become the go-to babysitter in the area.

Mike and I celebrated her birthday by taking a little trip to Ludington this weekend to visit some friends with a spontaneous detour on the way home to stay with my brother and sister-in-law at their cottage in Grey Lake.  Something Lisa would have totally approved of with her love to “just go”.  No doubt that being 16 she would have been driving.   This crazy covid year of 2020 has provided me constant reminders of what Lisa taught me.   Believe in something bigger than myself and my ability to persevere no matter how crazy things seem, Live life fully and if I can’t change the situation then work on changing my attitude, Aspire to do my best and appreciate what I have this minute because it could change in the next, Stay the course and sooner or later I’ll figure out how best to maneuver it, Tencacity is sometimes going to be the only way to keep going. 

As I think of Lisa today and miss her dearly I can’t help but think of all the others who have passed since she left us.  All of them leaving little holes in my heart and holes in the lives of their loved ones.    Many of them gone much sooner than what anyone deemed fair and leaving those of us behind spinning with questions and seeking understanding.  Every instance making me stop and think and wonder why them, why now, how does that happen, how do those of us left behind move forward?  We never seem to get the answers, and even when we do it doesn’t bring them back.  Somehow, we figure out how to move forward, often with sadness in our hearts and tears in our eyes, we get thru the next moment, the next hour, the next day.  It does become easier, sometimes.  We remind ourselves that our loved ones would want us to be happy and enjoying life.  We find others with whom we shared our loved ones and together we knit new days and new memories always keeping those who have left us tucked in the corner of our minds and our hearts.  We know and feel, some days more than others, that they are with us in spirit.

I would be remiss if I didn’t share that today, on Lisa’s 16^th birthday, my heart is still torn at the loss of a very good friend Aaron Stotts.  He passed away on August 20^th while on vacation with his family.  It was sudden and unexpected.  Aaron was one of Lisa’s biggest fans and the feeling was mutual as Lisa claimed Aaron as one of her many boyfriends.   Aaron, like Lisa, had a magnetic personality and was loved by many.  He was a key contributor in planning and making the BLAST fundraisers we did years ago a success.  Most people couldn’t say no to Aaron when he was seeking a donation, add Lisa to the mix, and wellllllll….those two were magic.    Aaron is missed by many and his loved ones are in my thoughts as we all push forward without him. 

I find a teeny tiny bit of solace in hoping that while both Lisa and Aaron were taken from us far too soon I have to believe those two are catching up in the afterlife and Aaron is making sure Lisa is having the sweet 16 celebration she deserves.

Miss you Lisa. Love you Lisa.  Happy Birthday!

 

   

Seven Years

It has been seven years since Lisa earned her wings.  I made a promise to myself that every year, no matter what was going on, this day would not be the normal routine.  It would be a day I to just "be and live in the moment".  Each year since she left us, I've been able to stay away from work, home responsibilities, adulthood and just do whatever speaks to me.  Sometimes that means a vacation, sometimes it means getting a tattoo, sometimes it's just having good food with good friends.

Today was spent honoring Lisa by living like she did.  I took a long nap, a car ride to "just go", talked with her sisters, ate chips and cheese for dinner and watched  Finding Nemo.  In a time when the whole world is fighting a pandemic and many are living in lock-downs the lessons Lisa taught us are crucial.  It's important to realize that each day is a gift and count our blessings.  I woke up this morning in a warm, dry bed.  I am healthy.  I have a wonderful husband, children, family and lots of friends who love me.  I have a job that I enjoy and has not been disrupted by the pandemic. I am blessed with another day.  That is not something to take for granted.  I wish I could say that I live in the moment and my count my blessings each day but, the truth is, it's not always easy especially when work, life and responsibilities abound.  But, just as I did seven years ago, I vow to make sure that on May 19  each year I will stop and live like Lisa. I will remember what a fighter she was and how even in the toughest of times she was able to bring hope and light to each day.

Living like Lisa! Chips and Cheese for dinner while watching Finding Nemo

This photo is from 10 years ago!! It was originally captioned "In the photo with Lisa and Tom, is one of the many local hero's at the hospital, nurse "Squirt"". Thank you to all the Hero's (then and now) that take care of us.

Happy 15th Birthday

Today, Lisa would have turned 15 years old.  I miss her smiles, I miss her voice, I miss her giggles, I miss her babies.  I miss her.  I wonder what she would have been like at 15, surely she would have given up her babies.  She would be in high school.  Would she have played a team sport, been a cheerleader, in karate, take to the field with the band, steal the show on the stage?  We will never know.  I think about how much pain she must have been in at times yet still managed to smile and make us laugh on most days.  I remind myself often that any aches and pains I have or bad days are nothing compared to what she went through.  I wish so much to be able to see her, hear her, touch her hug her. I can't. She's gone. Forever.  Far too soon. She only celebrated 8 birthdays.  Others have joined her and it doesn't lessen the pain.  But, it does remind me of the importance of living in the moment and appreciating what I have before it is gone.  A video of Lisa to help fill the hole in my heart.  Hotdogs and corn on the cob on for dinner to celebrate like she would.

Six Years Today

It has been six years since Lisa left us.  In her honor, I participated in the St. Baldrick Shave-A-Thon today and shaved my head. 

Thank you to everyone who made a donation and came to the event.  The final numbers are still being tallied.  Preliminary numbers estimate that the event raised $84,000+ of which LoveYouLisa fans contributed $2,000+.   Words cannot express how grateful I am to all of you for honoring Lisa and raising funds for research so maybe, one day, others won't have to lose what we all did.

Being surrounded by family, friensds and other warriors makes this day a little more tolerable.  I'm reminded that I'm not alone in my loss and that Lisa made a difference. She provided us with so many life lessons at such a young age, I can't help but wonder what she could have done had she had more time on this earth.  I miss her so much and as I watch my other children grow up and become adults I can't help but mourn all the things we will never see Lisa do.   I imagine what she would be like at 14 and the word incorrigible comes to mind.  That girl would have been calling all the shots and running the household with a sassy little strut and big smile on her face.

After six years, it's still hard to believe she is gone.  Words for thought that I heard from a podcast the other day:  "We survivors don't move on.  We move forward. Life and death are not just moments that we can leave behind.  The people we loved and lost are still present for us.  Not in the way they were before but they are present in our memories and our decision making.  They made us the people we are today.  We don't move on, we move forward with them." https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it/transcript?language=en#t-347355

12 more days! Please consider donating!

Thank you to all who donated and provided words of support. It looks like I’m shaving my head!   Debbie B. made the first donation and has first dibs of cutting cut off my pony-tail.  My niece Laura Bonhard and her new husband John made a very generous donation and get the first shave of my head.  There are 12 more days before the event.  Please consider donating to support childhood cancer research. https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/1035742/2019

Almost 6 years since she left us

May 19, 2019 marks the 6^th year since Lisa left us.  It is also the day of St. Baldrick's Shave-A-Thon….in Livonia…at Claddagh Irish Pub.

It seems like Lisa is sending a pretty strong message of what I should do to honor her that day.  She thought nothing of shaving her head, it was part of her getting ready for summer ritual. Only problem is I’m not Lisa and having a shaved head is not one of my best looks.  (Some have compared bald me to Mr. Bean and Beaker from the Muppets!)

But, it’s not about the hair, right?  It’s about Lisa and the other childhood cancer warriors. It’s about how they have bigger worries then hair.  It’s about childhood cancer research being extremely underfunded and finding ways to increase awareness, funding and research.  

So, I should do it, right?   In honor of Lisa, I should shave my head.  But I need your encouragement and support.   Every dollar makes a difference for the thousands of infants, children, teens, and young adults fighting childhood cancers Will you please consider donating to help me raise money for childhood cancer research?  All you need to do is click this link. 

If you’re able to join us at the event message me.  I will see if I can reserve spots for the group and get a set time for my shave!

 

PS. Someone mentioned offering added incentives to get people to donate.  Something like the first person to donate gets to cut off my pony-tail (which I will be donating to Michigan’s Children with Hairloss.) and the person who donates the largest amount gets to do the first shave.  What do you think? Any other ideas?  Let me know!

 

 

 

Happy 14th Birthday

Today Lisa would have turned 14 years old.  I try to think of what she would be like.  I'm pretty sure she would have been our toughest teen.  She had no issue telling you what she thought and getting what she wanted.  I attempted to honor her today doing things that I thought she might have enjoyed.
I started the day with a massage and as I drove to it felt Lisa guiding me to call a friend who lived in the area who I had not seen in years.  The odds were that she would not be available  given the short notice but I had to at least reach out as it seemed what Lisa wanted.  Five minutes later I was on my way to meet my friend for lunch.  Maranda was in the area so she was able to join us.

We had a great time catching up and when we were done Maranda and I got pedicures together.  I then headed off to a psychic reading.  While an interesting experience I'm still not sure what I think about what I heard.  

Mike and I finished off the day having dinner with our neighbors at the lake.  Two of the families have girls Lisa's age that she played with years ago.  It was nice to be able to spend some time with these young ladies nd think about how much Lisa would have enjoyed the evening.

Remember tomorrow starts Childhood Cancer Awareness month.  Be Bold Wear Gold because kids can’t fight cancer alone and  they shouldn't have to!