Happy 15th Birthday

Today, Lisa would have turned 15 years old.  I miss her smiles, I miss her voice, I miss her giggles, I miss her babies.  I miss her.  I wonder what she would have been like at 15, surely she would have given up her babies.  She would be in high school.  Would she have played a team sport, been a cheerleader, in karate, take to the field with the band, steal the show on the stage?  We will never know.  I think about how much pain she must have been in at times yet still managed to smile and make us laugh on most days.  I remind myself often that any aches and pains I have or bad days are nothing compared to what she went through.  I wish so much to be able to see her, hear her, touch her hug her. I can't. She's gone. Forever.  Far too soon. She only celebrated 8 birthdays.  Others have joined her and it doesn't lessen the pain.  But, it does remind me of the importance of living in the moment and appreciating what I have before it is gone.  A video of Lisa to help fill the hole in my heart.  Hotdogs and corn on the cob on for dinner to celebrate like she would.

Six Years Today

It has been six years since Lisa left us.  In her honor, I participated in the St. Baldrick Shave-A-Thon today and shaved my head. 

Thank you to everyone who made a donation and came to the event.  The final numbers are still being tallied.  Preliminary numbers estimate that the event raised $84,000+ of which LoveYouLisa fans contributed $2,000+.   Words cannot express how grateful I am to all of you for honoring Lisa and raising funds for research so maybe, one day, others won't have to lose what we all did.

Being surrounded by family, friensds and other warriors makes this day a little more tolerable.  I'm reminded that I'm not alone in my loss and that Lisa made a difference. She provided us with so many life lessons at such a young age, I can't help but wonder what she could have done had she had more time on this earth.  I miss her so much and as I watch my other children grow up and become adults I can't help but mourn all the things we will never see Lisa do.   I imagine what she would be like at 14 and the word incorrigible comes to mind.  That girl would have been calling all the shots and running the household with a sassy little strut and big smile on her face.

After six years, it's still hard to believe she is gone.  Words for thought that I heard from a podcast the other day:  "We survivors don't move on.  We move forward. Life and death are not just moments that we can leave behind.  The people we loved and lost are still present for us.  Not in the way they were before but they are present in our memories and our decision making.  They made us the people we are today.  We don't move on, we move forward with them." https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it/transcript?language=en#t-347355

12 more days! Please consider donating!

Thank you to all who donated and provided words of support. It looks like I’m shaving my head!   Debbie B. made the first donation and has first dibs of cutting cut off my pony-tail.  My niece Laura Bonhard and her new husband John made a very generous donation and get the first shave of my head.  There are 12 more days before the event.  Please consider donating to support childhood cancer research. https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/1035742/2019

Almost 6 years since she left us

May 19, 2019 marks the 6^th year since Lisa left us.  It is also the day of St. Baldrick's Shave-A-Thon….in Livonia…at Claddagh Irish Pub.

It seems like Lisa is sending a pretty strong message of what I should do to honor her that day.  She thought nothing of shaving her head, it was part of her getting ready for summer ritual. Only problem is I’m not Lisa and having a shaved head is not one of my best looks.  (Some have compared bald me to Mr. Bean and Beaker from the Muppets!)

But, it’s not about the hair, right?  It’s about Lisa and the other childhood cancer warriors. It’s about how they have bigger worries then hair.  It’s about childhood cancer research being extremely underfunded and finding ways to increase awareness, funding and research.  

So, I should do it, right?   In honor of Lisa, I should shave my head.  But I need your encouragement and support.   Every dollar makes a difference for the thousands of infants, children, teens, and young adults fighting childhood cancers Will you please consider donating to help me raise money for childhood cancer research?  All you need to do is click this link. 

If you’re able to join us at the event message me.  I will see if I can reserve spots for the group and get a set time for my shave!

 

PS. Someone mentioned offering added incentives to get people to donate.  Something like the first person to donate gets to cut off my pony-tail (which I will be donating to Michigan’s Children with Hairloss.) and the person who donates the largest amount gets to do the first shave.  What do you think? Any other ideas?  Let me know!

 

 

 

Happy 14th Birthday

Today Lisa would have turned 14 years old.  I try to think of what she would be like.  I'm pretty sure she would have been our toughest teen.  She had no issue telling you what she thought and getting what she wanted.  I attempted to honor her today doing things that I thought she might have enjoyed.
I started the day with a massage and as I drove to it felt Lisa guiding me to call a friend who lived in the area who I had not seen in years.  The odds were that she would not be available  given the short notice but I had to at least reach out as it seemed what Lisa wanted.  Five minutes later I was on my way to meet my friend for lunch.  Maranda was in the area so she was able to join us.

We had a great time catching up and when we were done Maranda and I got pedicures together.  I then headed off to a psychic reading.  While an interesting experience I'm still not sure what I think about what I heard.  

Mike and I finished off the day having dinner with our neighbors at the lake.  Two of the families have girls Lisa's age that she played with years ago.  It was nice to be able to spend some time with these young ladies nd think about how much Lisa would have enjoyed the evening.

Remember tomorrow starts Childhood Cancer Awareness month.  Be Bold Wear Gold because kids can’t fight cancer alone and  they shouldn't have to!

5 years

It has been five years since Lisa left us. Today seems less emotional than the past years and I can only attribute that to the fact that we kept ourselves incredibly busy as we packed for Montana and attempted to have a garage sale.

I considered two things that I could do today in honor of Lisa.  One was to shave my head at the St Baldrick fundraiser.  The other was to go to Montana to visit Tom. I am writing this as we sit in the   the airport waiting for our flight.(nobody voted for the head shaving😉)

Lisa would’ve loved  this trip. Not only are we GOing someplace new as we know she loved to do. We  get to see Tom working in a kitchen in Yellowstone and we will be with him to celebrate his birthday as he turns 20 on Monday.

While today has not gotten to me emotionally I cannot say the same about the last few weeks.  I’ve had more than a few days where  suddenly I’ll just feel very uneasy and sad. I am starting to think it is my subconscious counting down the days and still looking to fill the hole Lisa left.  I oftern hope and wish  Lisa would appear to me in my dreams as I miss her dearly and have a few questions for her. With her always in the back of my mind we go off on our next adventure to wish Tom a happy 20th birthday in Montana.


When we return we will move forward with our plan to sell the  Canton house and move permanently to the lake. Why this is a big move it seems to be the right move as it will help to simplify life and  let us focus on living in the moment and finding the beauty in all things as Lisa taught us to do.

Loving Lisa 13 years

Today Lisa would have turned 13.  I made a promise to myself that every year on this date I would make sure to spend it honoring Lisa and remembering what she taught us in her short time with us.

At her young age she knew how to live in the moment and she made every day count.  I am guilty of not doing this most days as I let work, money, aches, pains, worry nip away at the precious hours.  But on this day, I STOP doing my normal and use this day to just BE and live life and honor Lisa.  I seek to just "go somewhere" and take pleasure in the "going" as she would have.  It is my day to be spontaneous and let go of time and honor my child who lived life fully and who we miss daily.  As today unfolds I will see where Lisa takes me.  Happy Birthday Lisa.  Love You Lisa.

11:20 PM Update--As this day comes to an end just thought I would share a "day in the life of Lisa" ---Brunch with the family---followed by some reading and long lazy nap---followed by a tattoo in Lisa's honor (finally!)---dinner with some of Lisa's favorite people:)

PS. Tomorrow starts Childhood Cancer Awareness month please remember to wear gold!