Nine years ago Lisa earned her wings. Since that day, my work calendar is perpetually blocked on 5/19 with an item that says "Linda Off/ALWAYS (Lisa Dday). It's more a reminder for me than for anyone else. It's a reminder to remember Lisa and what she and cancer taught us. Things like: life is too short to waste, live in the moment, the work will always be there, enjoy the ride, balance the good with the bad, the busy with the idle.
Yet, even with those lessons, as each year passes I wonder, is it silly to take this day off? Am I going to do this forever? Should I still do this? And then I see posts and receive messages that people are thinking of her and that reinforces my commitment to honoring her on this day. Because life should be about celebrating and living and enjoying.
So, today, like the past few years, I did not plan anything specific to do. I let the day unfold and focused on slowing down, listening, and being open to "going" where Lisa leads me. By noon I was getting a little panicky because I hadn't gotten much further than the kitchen table. As I was looking at one of Lisa's pictures I decided I might need to get some help on the "going" and asked Alexa what was something fun to do today. The answer "Paint rocks or cook your favorite meal". Okkkkkkk. That answer actually sounded like something Lisa would say. I opted to put that on the back burner and go for a drive and check out a few garden centers. I like gardening and needed some plants, Lisa liked to just "go" so seemed like a good compromise for the day. The first garden center I stopped at was small and just off the side of the road. The owner came from around the back to greet me and show me the plants. Some cute potted arrangements and cool painted signs but I was really looking for some starter perennials and there were very few of those. I figured I'd look take a quick look and be on the go in less than 10 minutes. I was done in less than 5 minutes. I decided to go around again and made a conscious effort to slow down and look and enjoy.
This time the metal flower hanging on the wall caught my eye. Lisa would love that. I then noticed the Lake Living signs, hand-painted fence, baskets getting a second life with stencil-work. The more I looked the more things I noticed that I'd missed the first time thru....there was some really cute stuff. I decided to get the metal flower. As the owner approached me the second time, I noticed she had a small paint brush in her hand. We started chatting about the business and the yard art. As we continued talking I shared that I was just meandering around in honor of my daughter and then....it hit me....she had a paint brush in her hand! I told her how Alexa said to "paint rocks" and while I had plenty of rocks I didn't have any outdoor paint. Would she mind if I borrowed her brush to paint a rock? She didn't mind at all. She took me around back and there in her painting area were a bunch of rocks that were pink and purple from overspray when she was doing her projects. Perfect! I grabbed a purple one. She looked surprised. "Don't you want to paint something on it?" Ummm, sure. She took the rock and then stenciled a flower on it. She asked if I wanted her to paint a stem on it. I asked if she had gold paint. She hunted up and down and couldn't find gold. 
She painted the stem turquoise. She was just about finished and bent down to get something out of her paintbox and right there on top was a gold paint pen that had never been opened (WTH?!!) We quickly opened it and added Lisa's name and a gold ribbon. ONE HOUR later I was on my way with the metal flower and painted rock. I marveled at how a 5 minute stop turned into multiple connections with my daughter at my side calling the shots.
I stopped at three more garden centers and can only blame Lisa for the flats of flowers that were purchased;) Mike and I finished the day at Zukey Lake Tavern eating a Lisa-approved meal that started with pretzels and dipping cheese, lakeside lemonade, and some steak.
This was a much better day than the one 9 years ago. There is still hurt and emptiness but I'm greatful when I have opportunities like today to really feel Lisa with me. I wish she was still here in her human form, living, loving and celebrating with us. I miss her dearly. Love You Lisa.
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